“I’VE HEARD YOU CAN ONLY TURN SOMEONE ON IF YOU TALK DIRTY.”
With sex, as with most things in life, different people like different things. Talking dirty is a perfect example of this.
Sex talk plays a big part in many couples’ love lives and can increase intimacy on many levels. But while suggestive chat is the ultimate turn on for some, others find it distinctly off-putting. With no right or wrong, the only way you can discover what’s going to work for you and your lover is to talk about it.
Why do people like it?
Sex talk can add a whole new dimension to your lovemaking. When you hear your lover tell you what they’d like to do to you or what you’re doing for them, it can add to the excitement. It can also help you and your partner come quicker by adding a provocative psychological aspect to your physical act.¹
Of course, there are certain situations where dirty talk is the only option. These days, work commitments are just one of the reasons why many of us are involved in long-distance relationships, at one time or another. When you’re thousands of miles apart from your partner, a saucy phone call or Skype session can help bring you back together. And, if it works for you when you’re separated, it can work just as well when you’re sharing the same bed again.¹
How dirty is dirty?
Dirty talk really doesn’t have to be X-rated. It can vary from pure filth to soft and romantic whisperings; whatever turns you and your partner on. As well as being erotic, whispering sweet or not-so-sweet nothings into your partner’s ear can reassure them that they’re really getting you excited. It might even encourage them to be a bit more adventurous with what happens next.¹
Dirty talk for beginners
If it’s your first time with someone, it’s probably not best to launch into a tirade of hard-core sexual expletives as soon as you start getting intimate. Begin with something a bit milder and see how it goes down. If you feel you’re getting the right signals, you can try moving on to something a little stronger. But always be ready to backtrack if you sense your words are making your partner uncomfortable.¹
Sweeping generalisations aren’t always helpful, but men are more likely to be turned on by explicit language, whereas women tend to prefer something a little more gentle.¹
Suggestions for men
Every individual will respond to different words, but here are a few suggestions that guys might want to try to get things going:
- I’ve been thinking about this all day
- I want to kiss you all over
- That feels so amazing
- Your body really turns me on
- You’re the best ever
- Feel what you’re doing to me
- I need you so bad
- I really want to come inside you
- You feel so tight
- I really want us to come together¹
Suggestions for women
Women can often be a bit more reluctant to let themselves go and will probably feel more comfortable using milder language, particularly to start off with:
- I’ve missed your body so much
- Touch me all over
- I really want you right now
- Tell me what turns you on
- I want to do it right for you
- You feel so big
- You’re making me so wet
- I want to give you everything
- Take control of me
- Come for me, baby¹
You get the idea? Now you just need to go with the flow and see where the mood takes you. Remember the most important thing is that you both feel comfortable with whatever you do and say. So long as you’re both enjoying the effect your words are having, you can try taking things to the next level. If either of you felt uncomfortable at any stage, you should feel free to discuss it at the time or, if you prefer, afterwards.