Imagine you are getting it on, doing the deed, having some hot, steamy sex with your partner. And…something awkward happens.
Been there, done that? Yes, we all have. We have all had those moments we have had to text our bestie, “Omg, you will NOT believe what just happened!”
Sexual embarrassment is more than likely to happen at some point in our lives, how do we get over it? This article will cover some tips for how you can get past your embarrassment and move on.
Sometimes awkward moments during sex come from just “mistakes” or things going “wrong” or at least not how we expected them to go. Sometimes we take sex too seriously – and when in the throws of hot passion something goes awry, it is doubly noticeable. Other times, sexual embarrassment can come from sexual shame or sexual guilt that is deeper than just an “oops!” moment.
These deeper feelings can come up in an array of sexual scenarios and causes, such as performance issues, body image issues, and societal shame around sex.
So how do you move past it?
Accept it, stay present, and plan for the future
So, something comes up in bed. Let’s say you tried to spank your partner (consensually of course) and it didn’t go over well. Back up a step: first congratulate yourself for trying something new! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! The only way to improve and expand your sex life is to actually try new things! Instead of getting down on yourself for the “mishap,” try taking a moment, taking a breath, and telling yourself “oh well, at least I tried!”
Staying in the moment is really important here. Don’t go telling yourself stories your mind made up – making a mistake in bed is just like any other mistake: it is inevitable and correctable in the future.
The most important thing to remember is: try to not take it personally and do not give the mishap any meaning. Just because one thing goes wrong doesn’t negate the dozens and dozens of things you have done right in bed.
On that note, if you want to bounce back again, you have to remember that keeping things interesting involves changing things up! Tried something that didn’t work? Try again! Here is a subscription box that can help you with ideas and things to try on a regular basis. Move past your past mistakes and into your sexy future!
Laugh it off (when appropriate)
Things like body parts making noise (oh you know what I am talking about – the dreaded queef or a fart that picks an inopportune time to interject into your sexy time), awkward positions that just don’t work, bumping heads, inadvertently elbowing your partner, or falling off the bed…these are all things that can be easily laughed at. (Note: Boundary crossing and other abusive or mis-behavior is not to be laughed at.)
Laughter can quickly and easily diffuse a tense situation. Laughing at your mistakes also shows confidence and confidence is sexy AF! Using humor can show that the incident is “no big deal” and lightens up the mood so that you can continue to get it on.
Talk it out
Don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner about your issue. Communicating about a sexually embarrassing issue can actually bring you closer to your partner. Give them the benefit of the doubt. In order to have a fully expressive sexual experience, you will need to communicate about your desires, and any issues you might have in performing. This can be a big issue for people, especially male-identifying partners who have performance issues and/or varying degrees of impotence, for example. If you hold back this information, it can actually make the situation worse by adding tension. Your partner could misinterpret your tense or embarrassed behavior as being about them and in turn bring up their insecurities.
In addition, it is important for you to flex your trust muscle in keeping your partner in the loop instead of hiding from them any concerns that are coming up on inside you.
Love yourself and foster a good attitude towards sex
Sexual shame and body shame can prevent people from having a fully embodied sex life with themselves and others. Whether you feel shame in your sexual desires due to religious upbringing or societal pressures, or whether you feel shame about your body, both types of shame can be heartbreaking and bar you from expressing the undeniable special YOU.
Sexual shame is defined as “a visceral feeling of humiliation and disgust toward one’s own body and identity as a sexual being, and a belief of being abnormal, inferior and unworthy.”
If your sexual embarrassment stems from sexual shame, it can be more difficult to get over. Loving yourself and having personal autonomy in your sex life are utmost priorities when addressing sexual shame
In addition to loving yourself, loving or enjoying sex can be much easier when you have a good attitude towards sex in general. This is a great article on questions you can ask yourself to determine how you view sex. The more positively you view sex the more likely any mishaps or embarrassment can be handled in a manner that leaves your self-esteem intact and allows you to have more fun!
Find a professional
If your sexual embarrassment runs deeper and you can’t seem to overcome it, the best advice is to seek a professional therapist who can help you resolve these issues. Finding the right therapist is important and you should try to find someone who specializes in sex related issues or sex related trauma.
Above all, you can get over sexual embarrassment if you get a good handle on loving yourself and your body, and determine what you want in your sex life.
After all, sex is meant to be a pleasurable experience and the more pleasure you can find in the sack, the more likely your sexual confidence will ramp up even further!
So, next time you blush in bed, remember these tips and move onward and upwards!