The questions that get asked the most center around “getting my partner to (insert sexual act here).” The thing is, you’re not going to get your partner to do anything – so let’s get that out of the way.
What you can do, however, is communicate with them in a way to help them see why it is that you want them to (sexual act here).
That’s where the yes/no/maybe lists come in.
This is a list that gives you a long list of different sexual things that you and your partner fill out and it’s pretty self-explanatory. I’m going to explain it to you, though, anyways.
If you’re definitely into something and you know it, like dirty talk for example, you mark “yes.” Not into it at all? Mark a “no.” If you’re curious about it, or think, you know maybe I would, but I’m not sure, you put “maybe.” Seems easy enough, right?
What if it’s a Yes?
It really is one of the best ways to get on the same page as your partner in the bedroom, and you don’t even have to do all the thinking yourself! For me, that’s a bonus. I mean, maybe you never would have even thought about power play, or that your partner would be into it, but seeing it on a list, it intrigued you. What you and your partner say yes to might surprise you and you can use that to start spicing things up in your sex life.
What if it’s a No?
If it’s a no, it’s a no. However, don’t just leave it at that. If something is a no for your partner, but it was a yes for you, talk about it with them. Have them explain to you why it’s an absolute no so that you can at least understand where they’re coming from. I’m not saying you’ll change their mind, but you’ll be opening up the dialogue about what are definite no-no’s.
What if it’s a Maybe?
For the acts you put maybe’s next to, this is where the real talking and listening comes in. If something is a “maybe,” talk about what makes you curious about it and what’s giving you trepidations. When you talk it out and lay it all on the table, you might be able to turn some of those “maybes” into “yeses.”
We’re just not born with the inherent ability to communicate effectively around sex – so a list like this can go a long way in terms of communicating better with your partner.
So what list are we talking about? Well, there are many versions on the Internet, but we think this one from Refinery29 and artist Paolo Delucca has a great layout.
So why waste more time not being on the same page? Even if you have a great sex life, it can always get better.
If you’d like a list that’s a little more advanced, you can find it here – provided by theBDSMcoaches.com!