So, you’ve got a casual fuck buddy you want to make into your committed fuck….partner. I get it. Many people have made the transition from boning to drawer-at-your-home-ing.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to give your no strings attached relationship some strings, without imploding the whole thing. It’s precarious business, but with a little help and a lot of communication, you can do it. Here are some tips to take your casual relationship to the next level.
First off, take stock of the relationship. You want to really think critically about the person you’ve been seeing between the sheets. Do they seem ready for a relationship? Would they make a good partner? Do they have other partners? Are they in this just for the sex, or do you spend friend time together too?
Do you wake up in the morning and have eggs, or do they just spend some time poking around your eggs and then leave? It’s important to really think about wether or not you’re experiencing the warm fuzzies that come from sex, or you’re feeling warm fuzzies for them in a romantic way.
Take responsibility for your feelings and communicate them. If you’ve sat down and decided that yes, you want your casual sex friend to be your romance friend, then you need to tell them. No hinting, no creeping into commitments, no sliding into their dm’s daily until you’re talking so much you’re pretty sure you’re in a relationship.
You already have a physical relationship so articulating your emotions and needs is the next step. Plus, telling the person you’ve been boning how you feel will save you a lot of time and heartbreak. Ask them: are you in or out? It’s not easy to make a commitment to growing a romantic relationship and you need to be clear about that need. You deserve it to be fulfilled! With them, or, with another person.
DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP
Relationships mean different things to different people. Just because you’re transitioning away from being fuck buddies, doesn’t mean that you have to become an old married couple. Fuck buddy relationships exist for many reasons. In many cases: we want to have a sexual relationship but we don’t want the monogamous commitment. It might feel like a big ask to progress the relationship forward, but that doesn’t mean that you jump full feet into a marriage.
Just because you want a relationship doesn’t mean that you want monogamy. Take off some of the pressure and design your own relationship together. Do you want sexual monogamy? Romantic monogamy? Polyamory? Just to see each other for dinner dates once a week in addition to all the amazing sex you’ve been having? Commitment means many things to many different people, so be sure to discuss the nitty gritty before you jump in, or out, of a relationship. A good place to start: What would change about the relationship if you were to take it to the next level? If you can agree on that, then you can start building and finding your own relationship and hopefully satisfy both people’s needs.
TAKE IT SLOW
Relationships are like pathways: stepping stones are a great idea. If you think you’re going to transition from a no strings attached sexual relationship to a committed marriage you are sorely mistaken. Take stock of the relationship and see where you can progress. Maybe it’s seeing each other more often. Going on dates instead of just fucking. Or meeting one another’s friends. Once you’ve decided together that you want to progress the relationship into a partnership, make sure you give each other space to grow. One size doesn’t fit all, and it certainly doesn’t fit human relationships.
Making the transition from fuck buddies to partners may seem daunting. But with proper communication, boundaries, and time, you might find your friends-with-benefits just might become more than a friend.