Whether you planned to be a single dad or not, that sh*t is hard!
Carpooling, helping with homework, packing lunches, staying up all night wondering if you’re doing a good enough job… it’s normal parenting stuff, but it doesn’t leave you feeling terribly sexy.
While I don’t believe that we should rely on a partner to fuel our sexual fire, it’s common practice to do so. Plus, if that’s been your pattern in the past, it’s even harder to break it now as a single dad.
Well never fear, I’m here to help you put a sexual spring back into your step.
More Than “Dad”
Okay so putting aside my own (any countless other women’s) raging dad fetishes, you’re SO MUCH MORE than just a dad. It’s important to remember that life is holistic, and being a parent is only one facet of the beautiful tapestry making up the image of who you are.
When you’re a parent, it can be hard to remember that you’re anything else. However, when you have little humans looking up to you as a role model, it’s more important than ever before that you do so. Do you want them to grow up to only take care of others, forgetting about themselves? I didn’t think so.
Try writing a list of all the activities you enjoy doing that don’t involve parenting your kid(s). Now, take a look at the list, noticing if you regularly engage in these activities anymore. Consider making some time and space in your schedule to prioritize yourself. Not only is this important for your own mental and physical health, someone who has a vibrant and full life is so much more attractive to a potential mate.
Focus On Yourself
This leads me to my second point; make sure you’re taking care of yourself first. There’s a reason that they ask you to fasten your own oxygen mask before helping others. It’s because you can’t help other people if you need help yourself.
Self-care doesn’t have to be bubble baths and massages (though both are lovely and I highly recommend them), in fact, it should be authentic to what nourishes you. Consider what would help you feel recharged, and make sure to prioritize those things every day. Here are some of my favorite self-care basics:
- Sleeping 8 hours a night (or at least trying)
- Daily meditation and/or mindfulness practices
- Professional support, like therapy, counseling, coaching, etc.
- Regular exercise (particularly through “aggressive” activities like boxing or Muay Thai which are great for boosting masculine energy)
- Scheduling time for solo sex
- Drinking enough water and eating healthy fresh foods
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and frankly, a burnt-out person isn’t very sexy. Be sure to regularly engage in high-quality self-care, which will boost your self-esteem and have you feeling healthy and sexy in no time. Plus, when you’re feeling yourself, you’ll project that confidant energy out into the world, which is very sexy indeed.
The Safest Sexual Exploration
Want to explore your sexuality, but not sure where to begin? Perhaps you’re a little bit worried about being judged as you figure out your relationship to your own sexuality? Maybe you’re diving back into partnered sex and it’s all feeling a little bit daunting? There is one amazing way to explore all of this safely in a judgment-free zone… want to know what it is? Solo sex!
Yep, you heard me, sex with yourself. Having a healthy relationship with your sexuality will make you a much better lover during partnered sex. Is also helps boost your sexual self-confidence, which will turn on your sexual pilot light, and attract a like-minded mate, if you’d like one.
You can also use this time to learn new skills on your own, like the tantalizing Kivin method, discover the BDSM Basics, or even learn about a Dominance/submission dynamic. Take all the time you need to connect with your sexuality, explore your own preferences and desires, and add a few cool new tricks into your toolbelt for when the time comes for partnered sex.
Prioritize Sex and Romance
One of the most common misconceptions I hear from my clients (particularly the male-identifying ones) is that they think they should spontaneously want sex all the time. Well news flash, desire doesn’t always work like that! Sometimes your arousal style might be responsive instead of spontaneous.
This means that you may need to put some effort into turning yourself on, and you can do this by prioritizing sex and romance. Don’t be afraid to buy yourself flowers, read some erotica, and engage in some foreplay with yourself. Building up your sexual energy by prioritizing it will pay you back in spades as you explore dating.
If you’re interested in dating, please do make the time for it. It’s important that you have a full life, because you’re so much more than just a dad. You’re a whole and sexy man. And hopefully, with these juicy tips, you’ll be feeling sexy in no time!